Music: The sound of the compy fan

Mood: peckish and deep

I’ve been thinking a lot lately… Most of it late at night when my brain has nothing better to do. And I’ve been thinking about a lot of different subjects. Sometime I wish I could wire my brain into the comp, so it can record everything I think.

Some of the more prominent topics I’ve been thinking about are:

- Children, and my relationship to them; how I would cope with my own; am I brave enough to go though what Minks is going through; will I turn out to be one of those Mums you see dragging their screaming kid along behind them, then turns and threatens to slap the kid if it doesn’t be have [Please, God/Gaia/any other Deity listening in, don't, I repeatdon't let me become like that]; if my kid will grow up to hate me.

- The Relationship, am I really in love, or this just some sick addiction that I can’t do without; what is love, really; am I more in love with my best mate than with Andy, because we ‘click’ so much more; when will he propose; will he propose, after being turned down twice; what will the proposal be like [him just turning to me and saying 'oh yeah, I got you this ring, hope it fits. By the way, will you marry me?' I expect ]; what will my wedding be like and who will pay; what will our house be like; will I be happy; am I rushing into things, thinking about all this stuff in a serious sense, now; if i did get marries, would it last.

- Old, lost friends, should I do a mass write saying hi; do they still remember me and do they still care/ think of me; which ones should I write to [most of my 'lost mates', I haven't really been that close to]; should I even bother trying to contact some of them;WILL OR ANDY FROM UNI, IF BY SOME FREAK CHANCE YOU ARE READING THIS, DUDES, YOU SO HAVE TO GIVE ME AN E- OR SNAIL MAIL ADDRESS!.

- Grandma, how no one talks as though she is dead but like she’s gone to Australia or something; how no one actually refers to it as Owen and Sarah’s house but Grandma’s House [or in Sarah's case, The House, which I kinda like...]; how I haven’t been round there since a week or so after the wake to collect some of G’ma’s things that I wanted [the vase from Malta and the cushions she made, for example], yet things are being ‘painted’ and ‘changed’; will I like the new settings, or will I prefer the default for the house.

- Cleaning shit, [wyrd, I know] what needs cleaning; how will I do it; running how I will do it through my mind.

- Diet Stuff, what things have I tested that I can/can’t have; what should I test next; I really fancy eating some olives; what drinks should I test; how much is fresh fish these days so I can test that with out outside interference [companies putting odd things in it].

Well, thats it really. I might try covering some of these topics in my blog here, but the truth is, I ramble so much, (1) i couldn’t be arsed to type it all and (2) y’all’d get real bored.

In other news, I’m sending the DigiCam back cuz it’s faulty of something, Andy was round today and we snuggled and watched Bad Boys I, I cleaned to worktops in the kitchen and started on one windowsill. Tomorrow I plan to do both windowsills and another worktop, but I expect I will only get as far as the second windowsill. The Modern Apprenticeship people haven’t rung me yet, I’m reading the book on PHP, not sure if I want to try my hand at it yet, and I think I should do some more on my ICS course.

So many plans and thoughts and ideas swimming ’round this XXS head of mine. I wonder how it all fits in? Adue!

☮&♥

I got my digi cam today! And I didn’t get too ill at andy’s. Admitedly I ate chips and tinned baby carrots all the time, but thats so not the point. Ah I love andy so much . I love those little perfect moments, when everything is just perfect and there is no wrong and only you and your other exist… *dreamy sigh*

Ya know what else is cool? My room still looks vaguly ok from when I cleaned on wednesday. I moved everything that wasn’t nailed down from my room, put the bed and matress on their sides away from their normal position and hovered everything. Dust is evil and must be hovered! So hover I did  My next spring cleaning task is the wardrobe and whatever is on top of it, then the draws next to it [although I doubt they will need much work] and then maybe my ‘top’ drawer. Since I nearly always have fits of *rummage, rummage* ‘What shall I wear!!?’, its all messed up and could do with straightening. And then, If i still have any energy, i will sort my photos/ postcards out.

It sounds like a lot, I know, but I think the biggest thing w=is my wardrobe. I can’t rember the last time I sorted that out properly…

Anyway, I thinks thats all for now, so adue!

☮&♥

Music: Classic FM

Mood: Embarasedly appologetic, and very chipper

I wish to appologise to the Walker Crisp Co. for my intolerant and thoughtless remark in yesterdays post. It was not the crips as I thought, but the cous cous, as apprently it is made from wheat and not cous cous as i thought. Sorry

Right now thats over with, I had a cool day today  ‘Rents too me shopping and I got desserts and bread and pasta that is everything-free so I can eat it. Yay!
And then we went to Swanage, ostensibly to see Nan. Swanage is having a blues festival all this w/kend so me and Dad stopped in on a jam session which was super amazing. If I had more confidence I would have joined the other two girls dancing… I love Jazz and Blues 

But, yay! Things are looking up again. I’ve signed up for the modern appretice thing, so that will hopefully be a job taken care off. I’ve found food I can eat. I’ve renewed my love-affair with Blues, and I get to see two of my best mates tomorrow.

Right now I love life.

Of course, I’ll probably be depressed tomorrow

☮&♥

Music: Virgin Radio via the ‘net/XMMS

Mood: happy

Carma, from The Scrolls, IMed me this morning and demaned I listen to Virgin on 105.8FM, as she’d requested a song she wanted me to hear. Unfortunatly, where I am, that is Wave, so after some playing I managed to get it playing via the web on this thing called torus, wich is sort of like RealPlayer for Linux, but it kept cutting out when it changed tracks, so re-read the distructions and tried playing it on XMMS, and now it works perfectly  How super douper is that? I’ve decided I quite like Virgin, they don’t play hip-hop R’n'B crap, but nice stuff, for example, U2 – stuck in a moment is playing atm.

☮&♥

Music: Classic FM

Mood groggy but happy

Two good things happened today, I found my hairbrush [it was logged down beside my bed and my wall - somewhere I would never thought of looking, then I was on the phone to andy and I happened to sit ] and I got a call from the Wilts and Dorset Bus Office to say they had my gloves, there was a 50p charge, and when would I be in to get them? I’ll probably actually get mum to take me tomorrow, but YAY!

More good stuff is Andy is finaly connected [hey Andy ] so we spent the last hour of the night talking on Jabber, which was nice. Unfortunatly it ment that I was completly wacked out this morning so couldn’t get up.

Bad stuff is I know I should be doing stuff on my ICS course, but I can’t get inspiered, my foot hurts for no apparent reson, and the Modern aprentiships thing hasn’t turned up yet.

More good stuff is that I will have LOTRs to read when andy gets here from college. Hopefully. *crosses fingers*

Thats about it for now, so ciao!

☮&♥

Personally I think its dumb that some glorified politician wants to amend the US constitution just so his personal discomfort with gay marriages can be avoided. But, since I am not in the US, there is little I can do about it. However, I found this nifty little thing onSpacefem’s LiveJornal for Americans to find their representative and write to it, to oppose Bush.

So if you live in the USA, go and write to you rep. Do it NOW!

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Swcreing fcuk fcukers! I’m such a dumbass! I left my gloves of all things on the freaking bus! I never noticed until I got off and was walking down the road patting my pockets to put them on. By that time the bus was about 300yrs away from me. All the buss office ‘operators are busy’ so I wrote them an e-mail, and hopefully I can get them back.

I loved those gloves. They’re black leather and cost me £3 at an auto jumble, and they are so comfortable. I’m really bummed now 

Even the acquisition of two new books isn’t cheering me up much. Yes, yes, I know I’m a complete book whore, but I didn’t spend as much as I could have I saw at least 4 more books I want. What I did get was an ‘illustrated encyclopedia of the principal myths and religions of the world’ and ‘The Definitive Illustrated Guide to Fantasy’ for a collective £7.49 instead of the collective RRP of £29.99. Sweet hu? I love discount book stores.

Actually, come to think of it, I do feel better now. Hungry, but better…..

☮&♥