Haven’t really been up to much, just dossing with Andy. I think I will vote for the Green Party in the EU elections [10th june if you don't know]. A pamflet for them came today, and, whilst I know one should read these things with a pinch of salt, I can’t help feeling that this is My Party. I know most people would fob them off, but they [seem to] care about the things I care about, like helping smaler farmers and conservation etc

Anyway, since I don’t really have anything to ramble about, I will cease now. This was just a wee entry to let you all know I’m still alive

☮&♥

I’ve been pretty quiet lately. And there is a reason, only I’m not sure what it is….

It could be because I’m staying at Andy’s and I don’t really like Jahameran, he’s far to cold. I really miss Ella, so warm and friendly, and quirky. I hate using another persons computer, it just feels odd to me.

It might also be because nothing has really been happening. On Sunday I messed around in the garden. Dug up the Lemon Balm and put it in a pot, spread some compost round and attempted to dig up that damn curry plant. It smelt horrible and got so huge it was taking up most of the bed. I had to tie the Sage up cuz I was falling all over the place, which prompted a little adventure….

I had to get a cane to support the sage, but I couldn’t find any at our house, so I wandered round to grandma’s, took the key for the big shed at the bottom of the garden and stared off. I get down to the first gate and look for familiar landmarks. There aren’t any; they are all hidden under waist hight grass. Its at this point I’m wondering if it was such a smart idea to be wearing such a small dress. Ah well, I couldn’t be arsed to go back and change, so I fight my way down through the foliage, getting attacked and scratched by something later identified as bindweed, and open the door.
Its dark in here and very very cobwebby. I am a very flinchy person, but somehow I walk into this dark domain and discover several jars or damsons and concentrated mint sauce, which I retrieved later, but I managed to find the cane I wanted and took back some mint sauce for tea.

I just noticed I keep swapping tenses. I can’t be bothered to change it, so deal

Monday I visited Nana, who is in hospital again, before getting to Andy’s. My first though when I got there was that she looked like a gremlin. Don’t laugh, I’m being serious. She’s so ill that she’s a funny grey colour and because she is so wasted, her rather imperial Roman nose sticks out, making her look a little gremlin ish.

Tues I did nothing but clean Andy’s room, and it looks slightly better, even though almost as soon as he got home it was cluttered again…. And today I just cleaned the bathroom [yeuck!]

In other news: I burn my mouth on the breakfast pizza and now I have a blister thing in it and it hurts *pouts*

Well there is an update on my rather non-exiting life…

Ciao

☮&♥

Ugh, I’m really not sure these sleaping pills are working. I guess I feel slightly better in the mornings and more awake generaly, but I keep waking up at 6am!!! Grah.

Showered, pissed around on the net and finished this story this morning, Dad came home and I made prawn salid sandwhiches for him and me with what was left over of last nights tea. Then he announced that ‘It’s a far to nice day to spend inside’, so we jumped in the van and went to the Three Oakfords Contry Show, deep in the wilds of Dorset.

It was a sweet little show, with a craft tent, brick-a-brack and plant stalls, a range of vehicles [commercal vehicles, tractors, steam engins, stationary engines and bikes], exibitions and some child stunt riders. I bought a thing of pickled onions and two plants: a Bronze Bugle and a Chocolate. The chocolate is really cool, the flowers smell just like it . I also got myself an ice lolly for 20p cheper than the marked price cuz Dad knew the serving guy. Maybe it does pay to have contacts There were a lot of nice millitary vehicles there and made me I really wish I had a camera. We also saw a tractor that ran on kerosene, how cool is that?

Anyway, I’ve put my plants in and I’m going out tonight, so I’d bet hurry up and get ready. Caio!

☮&♥

*prods self* Nah, not quite

Had an interesting journy to Andy’s on tues; Wndered half a mile to a bus stop, waited an hour in the encroching darkness for a bus to come, waited a furthur hour in the bus station, met C on the second bus going to bournemouth, was invited to a birthday I knew nothing about and finaly got to Andy’s 2 hours or so after I left home.
Not bad.

We watched all of season 2 of farscape over the past 2 anabit days, didn’t play fung shui cuz he was ill, sleaping pills that I bought don’t seem to work. I was expecting sedatives I think, that the moment I took them I would zonk out and have deep untroubled sleep. As it was I lay awake for 3 hours trying to sleep then had nightmares about living on a leviathan called Com, piloted by spacefem, where I accidently killed Jevva, was druggedby and then had to shoot MFS cuz he had a terminal and leathal desiease, then had to kill Andy to put him out of his pain as he was dieing too.

I fucking hate dreaming. Anyone care to tell me if I have inssomnia?

Went into bournemouth, saw mum in a Hertz car, he bought some computer bits, I chikened out of having a free hearing test.

I’m a bit worried about living with Andy for two weeks, not cuz of us being together, but the fact its not my home, its his mum’s and though she invited me, I always feel like i’m intruding on her patch and I’m just worried bout it in other ways I can’t really describe cuz they sound stupid and pointless. I also haven’t told my ‘rents about it yet…

And that just about winds up my very uneventful life.
*crashes*

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This is the first line from Ask DNA by Yoko Kanno/ Raju Ramayya/ The Seatbelts, and it describes exactly how I feel right now. I wandered down to TESCO to get the stuff that I wasd supposed to get yesterday and almost got run over twice, and walked into so many people becuse my brain has died, as have my reactions, and everything is on auto pilot. I have such a headache, and I feel so lethargic.

I had an argument with mum this moning in which she asked me ‘Why can’t you just be normal?’. I am normal. My normal anyway. What is normality? Nowmality is relitave. I don’t want to be her normal, I just want to be me, and if Me doesn’t conform to her version of normaility then screw it.

That said I applied to Bournemouth council to be assistant libaraian or a libary shelf filler. Thing is, I don’t think I will get either of them, I’m really fatalistic about these sorts of things. I’m also going to e-mail Somerset Collage to see if I can enroll on their Libarays and information tech. course over the net.

I would like to go to Andy’s to night, but I’m not sure if I can be bothered to get over there. Might go later on.

I think I will go curl up in front of the TV now…

ciao

☮&♥

… Is a curl up under my bed and wish the world would stop bugging me day.

I can’t seem to stop crying, and I can’t pretend I don’t know what the mmatter is. Its my mother, I don’t know why she can’t just leave everything with me alone. I don’t want to be helped or worried over, I just want the whole world to leave me alone. I woke up today with a bad headache so whent back to bed to try and sleep it off, but then mum comes home as starts yelling at me, how I’m so lazy and stuff. Just becuse I move to a differnt beat to her. And also how I’m not normal. Well I don’t want to be normal, I want to be me! And now I have Andy hassling me to come to his:
Andy: im not going in dru [meaning I want you to come over now]
Dru: Okay. I have to fiddle with somethings though first
Andy: k…
[not much later]
Andy: are you coming now?
Dru: in a bit
Andy: well are you?
Dru: in a bit!
Andy: how long is that?
Dru: I don’t know

There are so many thing I should do and I don’t want to do any of them, I just want to curl up in a cave someplace where no one can find me, and everyone will leave me the hell alone.

*crawls under duvet and cries*

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Well, I got some of what I wanted to do done, and some other stuff I wasn’t planning on doing done, some things half done, and one thing not done, and not going to be done.

I completly cleaned the bathroom, though the ‘get rid of mildew and mould’ thing lies becuse it says you just have to leave it and it then wash it away, which it doesn’t. I also dusted my desk and put some more of my ornaments away in an effort to make more space, and had a shower. I didn’t however finish washing the grill pan, and I didn’t finish stripping the dried curry plant. I didn’t even start hand washing some stuff, and I’m not going to TESCO becuse its gone all thundery, and though its not raining at the moment, you can bet that as soon as I get far enough a way from the house it will throw it down and I’ll get soked. I am not going to risk it.

I started writing up some wyrd ‘day in the life of’ thingy that I thought of last night, but I’m not sure if I like it any more. Can be found here.

Humm, thats all that really happened today, so… ciao, I guess…

☮&♥