Ramblings of a Disorientated Mind

It’s funny,
I’d never thought of myself as a people person.
Someone who fit in,
was always included.

But now,
looking at you, and him and her,
and, well, the rest of them,
and thinking back to that night -
the fun we had,
the crap we spouted,
and that hug,
that beautiful, spontaneous, truthful group hug…

‘I love you guys’ was all it took.

Well, maybe I still ain’t a people-person.
But I gotta whole lot of misfits I’m right fond of.

☮&♥

Dude,
sometimes,
    you know,
it’s a good idea to know when to
say no
to stop
to give it a rest.
You digging me?

See,
you cling;
too desperate,
then you throw it all in for,
well,
what?

A new obsession.

And you drive they others away,
and,
    dude,
you really need to stop.
Because it’s killing…
killing everything.

Tell me you dig.
And you’ll stop?

[Though I know you can't hear this,
and I know you'd not understand even if you could,
and you'd ignore even if you did,
but dude, please?]

☮&♥

And here we are,
together at last.
You know, it’s felt so long.
Strange how these things go, huh?

And I can feel your flesh against mine,
and your arms winding sinuously around me,
and your heat sending the chill from my heart.

You are holding me so tight,
so warm
so safe.
It feels like:
     perfection,
     endless moment,
     exquisiteness,
     god.

As I look to your face,
I see there is no need to speak -
In your eyes I hear the reflection of my heart.

Here in this moment we are Peace.
Here in this moment we are One.

And as I rest my head against your breast,
I realise what this is:

Love

For Andy

☮&♥

Tick.
Tick.
Tick.

Watch now, as the pendulum swings,
Time flies by;
A bird on the wing.

Drip.
Drip.
Drip.

Watch now the grains of sand,
life slips away,
between Fate’s hands.

To each a time,
to each a place,
to each a purpose in this race.

Take her hands now,
Don’t be scared,
‘Your destiny,’ she whispers,
‘has been declared.’

‘Your destiny, it is…’

Tick.
Tick.
Ti-

‘to die.’

Sunday 27th March 2005, 2317

☮&♥

They tell me I’m unpredictable,
that I change too fast-
volatile.

I didn’t want to believe it.

So I smiled and sang.
I lashed out.
And then,
when I cried,
I realized it was true.

☮&♥

And so,
do you see her?
Sitting there all alone,
huddled in a blanket.

She is still.
She is quiet.
The people rushing by take no notice,
pay her no regard.

For she is nothing;
less than nothing.

She is litter on an urban street.

☮&♥

Twisting and turning, despite myself
hating you always
yet…
hate turns to love turns to hate turns to love turns to hate,
and round again to love

Feeling you near, wanting you to be away,
yet once away, I long to be near

A world of corruption and contradiction,
the air tingles with suspense.
Who will make the first move?

But already I’m in tears.

☮&♥

Crying again,
hot tears in shadow,
hearing what you really think of me.

I thought I was liked,
thought I was respected.

I guess not then.

But I tried to put it right.
Feeling somehow it was all my fault,
all my fault.

But then,
there is no cure for stupidity.

☮&♥