I’ve been bottling again. Bottling my emotions I mean, and it’s not doing me any good – already I have the beginnings of a stress ulcer. So lets have a nice bullet-pointed list of all things that are stressing me out right now, because everyone loves lists.

Buying a house
- Having to chase up the Independent Financial Advisor bloke
- Sending off the reservation fee, seeing the money taken out then being told that the solicitors hadn’t been told to start their soliciting
- trying to decide on a mortgage
- thinking about all that money going away
- worrying about Axa getting their ass in gear [Axa are the people looking after my deposit money and they are not renowned for their admin services – they sent a letter to my grandfather asking him to confirm his wife was dead, 10 years after he died and 3 years after my grandma died.]
- thinking about the stuff we’re going to need like washing machines
thinking about packing
- I keep seeing cool ‘home improvement’ stuff, like candles. I’m told this is the ‘nesting’ urge
- When am I going to get a chance to go into my parent’s loft and sort out all my stuff up there?

Work
- Stupid people in their stupid cars,
- stupid children trying to get themselves killed
- annoying children asking me personal questions/ showing off
- miscommunication with my boss

Health
- excess of body weight, lack of exercise/ motivation to do exercise
- iron levels [apparently I'm borderline anaemic – more spinach for me then *pulls a face*]
- generally constant feelings of unhealthiness [craving chocolate vs self flagellation after eating chocolate etc]

* going out. I need to do it more often, but I’m not sure I’ll be able too because soon I will be facing a distinct lack of funds

* cooking. I’m expanding my repertoire but not sure I’m getting all that much better. Andy eats pretty much anything anyway…

* I’m a creepy old man magnet. Why?!!! This is apparently what I get by writing in public, but it’s not just my gadgets that attract them, it’s books and eating ice lollies and fuck knows what else.

I need new clothes.
- my jeans are falling apart, literally.
- I have huge threadbare patches in my socks
- my boots are wearing through in the soles
- My swimsuit is shedding elastain
- I need some shorts
- my bras are getting old and saggy and aren’t being supportive any more

Writing.
- Zilch inspiration
- my writing sucks
- I have nothing to say
- and no one would want to read it anyway
-

* Job hunting. Where are all the nice ‘student’ summer jobs? why does everyone want managers with degrees?

House work.
- Mr Muscle does not do the jobs you hate – there’s never a small scrawny man in pants and vest willing to take over when I start to clean stuff. False advertising I say!
- there’s so much…
- Socks.
- we have another inspection from panorama coming up.

Friends
- When is Greg going to get laid?
- Ian at collage, doing well applying himself and getting a career. Oh and getting laid.
- Kat’s family being so fucked up and why can’t I do anything about it? Kat getting a new car. Kat vanishing into the depths of germane to be with Seb and never being heard from again. Kat getting laid

Misc.
waiting for the new Terry Goodkind book
Reading in general – too many books not enough time/ money
Not having time/ money to learn new stuff

I think I’m done bitching now. I’m not sure if I feel any better now or not, but at least all my worries are down here and I don’t have to think so much about them any more

☮&♥

☮&♥