Andy just bought me a violin :O

I said I was bored, that I had nothing to do and no projects so he said ‘learn a musical instrument’. We talked about it for a while, and discussed what I like the sound of, and looked at instruments and prices. I said I liked fiddles so he just said, ‘it’s under a hundred quid, I’ll get you a violin’ and just like that he bought it.

That was an hour ago… the doubt is starting to set in but he’s insisting that it’s a good idea so :S I’ve just never really pictured myself with any kind of instrument, except my voice…

But by this time next tuesday I should have a violin I’ll be learning to play

☮&♥

Except for the necessary of communication, I’ve not written a single fictional or even contemplative word for… oh, over two weeks. I think I’m starting to go a little bit mad.

See, I decided to try and experiment – see how long I could go without writing. I wanted to do this because I didn’t feel like my writing was going anywhere and I was crap. So I went without writing for a week and then reverted to editing.

‘Course I need to edit. I’ve needed to edit since march but I’m thinking now it was my mind’s way of keeping me in touch with my writing even though I wasn’t. But now…

Now I think I need to start again. Just ‘morning pages’ maybe, but something at least. The thing is, and I don’t want to alarm anyone, but I think the lack of writing-ness is having an effect on my reality perception. I’m becoming more and more withdrawn, spending more time thinking through a story I’m telling in my head than paying attention to what’s going on around me. Admittedly it’s more interesting in my head, but if I spend all my time there someone is going to want to start giving me pills and that doesn’t strike me as a good thing.

So more writing, less spending time inside my skull otherwise I’m going to go nuts and they’ll come and take me away [HaHa].

I wonder if this [and dietary issues] explains all the other times I’ve gone a bit gaga and lost reality perception…

[NB, this post is equivalent of a 4am-spill-your-soul-I've-been-drinking post, despite the fact it's only 2300 and I've not drunk anything today except water and tea]

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As you can see, I haven’t actually updated properly since the 15th, and now it’s the end of the month. Well, you see, things like this happen when Real Life get’s in the way. But at least I’ve been busy and I’ve been having fun. So:

Kat’s Graduation was cool. Her Dad fracked off about 5 mins before the beggining of the ceromony, whihc part of me is sad about, but the other part is like ‘whee!’ beacuse it meant that Sebastian and I could sit in the actual hall and Seb got a cool video of kat going accross the stage I had a quite a bit of fun with Seb and Kat and Aunty Steph [not Kat's actual Aunt, but Kat's Mum's best mate ] and the rest of the Psy:Euro class

LUG Radio Live! was pretty cool. I learnt a lot, got fired up about the Free/ Libre Open Source Software [FLOSS] community, met some very cool people [two of whom are from wimborne of all places]. I also had some really cool thoughts about the FLOSS community, and how not-so-technical users can contribute as well. The Birds Of a Feather sessions I went to where very informative and the ‘how to contribute to open source’ BOF produced some cool results. I was a little dissapointed with the Women in Open Source talk thought. I felt the choping and changing between the tree of them was a little unprofesional and they didn’t really come to any sort of point. But overall it was a lot of fun, very interesting and very tiring

Having Andy home for two weeks was the best We went swiming together, and to the beach and had a lot of sex [Sorry, you didn't want to know that ] and basically just spent a lot of time with each other

Kat and Seb coming down for the day was very relaxed. We went to her dad’s so kat could see her grandfa to begin with which was… tense-ish but not as tense as it might have been if her dad hadn’t looked like he’d downed most of a bottle of wine before we got there… But anyway. Then we walked down through branksome woods to the beach and stayed there for a couple hours. I didn’t swim beacuse it was really cold, but we had ice creams and I sunbathed a little, before we all strated getting really hungry. Leaving the beach, we walked along the promenade towards bournemouth where we went and had a meal at the Moon in the Square. We were all pretty shattered by the time we got home.

Going for Tea to my parents was nice as I haden’t seen them for a while. It was a quiet affair, but I managed to pick up some more stuff [namely my summer clothes, all the digitized music we have and some other odds and ends. I still don't have all my books, CDs, DVDs, ornaments or photos/ postcards, but meh] It was nice to see my Daddy again. He told me that there was some open day at Brooklands racetrack on my birthday which I’d love to go to. He’s going to find out more and take me I think

Kobolds Ate My Babies [also on Friday] was very very cool. It’s called the ‘beer and pretzles’ game and it’s so funny. You play a kobold – a small furry dog like creature – that dies. A lot. Also if you make kobold impressions before any of of your rolls you can get a dice taken off. This lead to us all getting really drunk and making rediculious impressions of Kobolds. I can’t begin to explain what went on, but it this way: I’m so glad downstairs are away!

Beach BBQ was very cool, though the start was pretty poor. The majority of people arrived before 12 [the meeting time]. It got to about 1130 when I said, so when are we going to get food and the barbeques? no one really answered. It got to 12 and I asked again. This time they went, and took about an hour in which time DDT [Diccon, Dan and Tom] and Barry and psycoDan had arrived and were twiddling their thumbs. We finally set off at about 1315 after standing around talking about who was going in what car [again I had to effectivly push people in the right direction] which left Dunane, Barry, Ian and I to walk. Fortunatly we maganed to catch a bus halfway there. But the irritating thing was that I was so busy sorting other people out and organising stuff beacuse Jade seemed to have given up I forgot my phone and sunglasses. So I was a bit rarr-y when we finally got there. I guess I know how my mum felt/ feels now Anyway, once all had arrived safe and sound we set up camp just down from sandbanks main entrance. we sat and talked and sort of played a RPG and then people wandered off so we sort of milled around and then Andy, Dunane, Ian and I went for a swim. The water was nice, not as cold as it was when I went with Kat et al. After we’d swum, a couple of us went to investigate what time we could put the BBQs on. It wasn’t actually until 1830, but by the time we got back to base [Barry having bought me an ice lolly on the way back] it was 1730 so we put them on anyway. Throughout the afternoon Diccon and I took turns cooking in our ‘kitchen’ and getting thoughally smoked ourselves. At some point some guy who’d also had a BBQ came and gave us some chicken drumsticks. Free food, yay! After we’d eaten some of the food, we all sat around again and Alex took a lot of phot’s of my arse and I took a lot of general photos of people [to be viewed here]. People milled and talked and then the gus noticed psycoDan had dug a huge hole that looked like an asshoe, so the ulpted the sand around n tuned it into a sand version of goatse.xc [ the link goes to wikipedia honest]. Then there was some hilarity in which duane wressled monkey to the ground with the intention of putting him in the hole so he could be an anal-dwelling butt-monkey By that time everyone wa sgetting cold we we decided to pack up and head home. Everyone stayed for a while finished some of the food and drink and generally chatting.

And that, I belive is my update

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Reading this article I read:
Lab tuned to gravity’s ‘nipples’
instead of
Lab tuned to gravity’s ‘ripples’

and

The US and European space agencies are to co-operate on two missions considered vital for ending the Universe.
instead of
The US and European space agencies are to co-operate on two missions considered vital for efforts to create a new understanding of the Universe.

Note to self: don’t spend more than an hour on editing.

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Good morning, good morning It’s odd, I have pretty much nothing on my mind this morning. I have a whole day of doing nothing – I managed to take care of all my chores yesterday, and nothing needs my immediate attention, well. Except for the ID thing, but I’ll take care of that in a bit, even though I’m not quite sure how. Otherwise my day is empty. Of course, I haven’t checked my e-mail yet this morning, so gods knows what’s waiting for me in there. It’s cooler today than it was yesterday and slightly cloudy. There is only so long you can talk about the weather, but I really have nothing else on my mind. No conflicts or issues. Nothing really major bad has happened in the past week, and neither has anything really major good. So now I am stuck for things to say and the desire to check e-mail is rather over riding.

Well, now that I’m plugged in, I still have to wait to connect, and I guess I should use these few moments to write some more, but I am still stuck for things to say. I suppose I could say about the idea I had for a short story, but I’m not sure I want to write it – it’s a little too close to home for me I think. Even voicing it to andy last night seemed difficult.

Well, I guess I had better go [even with only one half a page] because I really need to go and scan these bloody passports for the IFA.

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This morning’s page comes from the living room table. Outside it’s overcast, but oppressively warm when the wind doesn’t blow. I had contemplated going into Bournemouth again to look for dresses, but to be honest I really couldn’t be bothered. Once again I am half in and half out of the writing mood, as in: I would like to write, but I’m not sure what to say and so my attention is wandering – to the sandwich beside me, to other thoughts, to browsing the internet I’m not currently connected to.

I was in the middle of an essay exploring why I write yesterday when the laptop just upped and died on me. By the time it had sorted it’s self out I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to continue, and I am not even sure if I am today. I might try reading it back and see what happens. Also, in regards to writing, I’m getting a little frustrated with my seeming inability to write a full, and meaningful, story. For the past couple of days I have been reading books about writing, and it has reminded me of the key point I seem to keep forgetting: Conflict. It also has made me aware of two other sub-facts of this point: that conflict must be deeply meaningful to the character involved and the consequence of failure must be catastrophic. This is far deeper than what ICS taught me. Also this book has helped because of the way it sets out plot: Situation; Incident one and incident two [that serve to compound the issue]; Frustration [which must be from a different source to the incidents, but must compound them further]; Reaction and Resolution. Again this is far deeper than the ICS course for whom the subject of plot was dispensed as: Character + Conflict + Situation = Plot

The thing that is most galling for me at the moment, is I don’t seem to be able to think up any ideas for a full story. At the most I can do is 250 words in ten minuets from a prompt. I use to be able to think up ideas a dime a dozen and now they all elude me. Maybe I should just give up, stop writing for anything more than function. At this rate – and with my zero motivation – I will never be in a position to write seriously or professionally. I think I will publish these morning pages – the ones I’ve digitally written anyway – on my blog. See what anyone makes of them. But still. I shall try and stop writing fictitiously and see what happens. If I do not hear from my muse [a grumpy old pixie that kicks the base of my skull when he wants me to write] then I shan’t give writing another thought.

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This morning, like most mornings when I sit down to write in the lounge, is bright and sunny. I’m not sure really what to write about this morning – I have been up to a lot over the past weekend and am only just recovering from it. However that was the weekend and fun though it was, seems almost insignificant to me now. So start where I am. Like I said, I’m in the lounge. Outside it is bright and sunny. I’ve just started doing chores a bit, and so includes tidying the lounge. In consequences the lounge maybe less a couple of pizza boxes, but is plus some piles of laundry. The remnants of DnD are still around – character sheets, dice and books still spread across the table. At the end of the table, the media box vies for space with Dan’s dragon plant. The phone keeps well out of it though, sat on the corner of the table, gazing, I feel, mournfully out of the window, like a parent who’s children are fighting again. Or maybe it is wistfully – the parent who wants to leave the kids behind and escape to the coffee shop, or pub, around the corner and have a good old chin-wag with it’s mates. Out in the kitchen there are the churning sounds of the washing machine as it cleans the clothes. In a minuet, before it has finished, I’ll need to go around and fold Dan’s washing from off the radiators so there is room for my own.

We’ve still not heard back from the IFA about our mortgage, but assuming all goes to plan and we get this place, I think I will still miss this house. It’s nice and light. I am use to it’s quirks now as well. It will look bare when Andy and I leave because most of the furniture in the lounge is ours. Pretty much everything – the book cases, table, sofa and reclining chair – is ours. The only things that aren’t are the chairs that where here when we moved in and Dan’s swivel chair that I’m currently sat on.

Damn, I’ve just finished my very yummy cereal but I’m still hungry. Maybe I’ll have a banana as well, or a little more so I can use up the milk… That’s better This cereal really is yummy – it’s described as ‘chocolate wheat pillows filled with chocolate.’ I bought it at Lidle with Kat yesterday.

Dammit, I must be out of practice with these morning pages, I’m only to the middle of the page and I’ve run out of stuff to say. Ah well, I need to carry on with chores anyway – the washing up, folding Dan’s laundry and sorting my own out, tidying the lounge. Adiós then

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