Ramblings of a Disorientated Mind

This morning’s page comes from the living room table. Outside it’s overcast, but oppressively warm when the wind doesn’t blow. I had contemplated going into Bournemouth again to look for dresses, but to be honest I really couldn’t be bothered. Once again I am half in and half out of the writing mood, as in: I would like to write, but I’m not sure what to say and so my attention is wandering – to the sandwich beside me, to other thoughts, to browsing the internet I’m not currently connected to.

I was in the middle of an essay exploring why I write yesterday when the laptop just upped and died on me. By the time it had sorted it’s self out I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to continue, and I am not even sure if I am today. I might try reading it back and see what happens. Also, in regards to writing, I’m getting a little frustrated with my seeming inability to write a full, and meaningful, story. For the past couple of days I have been reading books about writing, and it has reminded me of the key point I seem to keep forgetting: Conflict. It also has made me aware of two other sub-facts of this point: that conflict must be deeply meaningful to the character involved and the consequence of failure must be catastrophic. This is far deeper than what ICS taught me. Also this book has helped because of the way it sets out plot: Situation; Incident one and incident two [that serve to compound the issue]; Frustration [which must be from a different source to the incidents, but must compound them further]; Reaction and Resolution. Again this is far deeper than the ICS course for whom the subject of plot was dispensed as: Character + Conflict + Situation = Plot

The thing that is most galling for me at the moment, is I don’t seem to be able to think up any ideas for a full story. At the most I can do is 250 words in ten minuets from a prompt. I use to be able to think up ideas a dime a dozen and now they all elude me. Maybe I should just give up, stop writing for anything more than function. At this rate – and with my zero motivation – I will never be in a position to write seriously or professionally. I think I will publish these morning pages – the ones I’ve digitally written anyway – on my blog. See what anyone makes of them. But still. I shall try and stop writing fictitiously and see what happens. If I do not hear from my muse [a grumpy old pixie that kicks the base of my skull when he wants me to write] then I shan’t give writing another thought.

☮&♥

This morning, like most mornings when I sit down to write in the lounge, is bright and sunny. I’m not sure really what to write about this morning – I have been up to a lot over the past weekend and am only just recovering from it. However that was the weekend and fun though it was, seems almost insignificant to me now. So start where I am. Like I said, I’m in the lounge. Outside it is bright and sunny. I’ve just started doing chores a bit, and so includes tidying the lounge. In consequences the lounge maybe less a couple of pizza boxes, but is plus some piles of laundry. The remnants of DnD are still around – character sheets, dice and books still spread across the table. At the end of the table, the media box vies for space with Dan’s dragon plant. The phone keeps well out of it though, sat on the corner of the table, gazing, I feel, mournfully out of the window, like a parent who’s children are fighting again. Or maybe it is wistfully – the parent who wants to leave the kids behind and escape to the coffee shop, or pub, around the corner and have a good old chin-wag with it’s mates. Out in the kitchen there are the churning sounds of the washing machine as it cleans the clothes. In a minuet, before it has finished, I’ll need to go around and fold Dan’s washing from off the radiators so there is room for my own.

We’ve still not heard back from the IFA about our mortgage, but assuming all goes to plan and we get this place, I think I will still miss this house. It’s nice and light. I am use to it’s quirks now as well. It will look bare when Andy and I leave because most of the furniture in the lounge is ours. Pretty much everything – the book cases, table, sofa and reclining chair – is ours. The only things that aren’t are the chairs that where here when we moved in and Dan’s swivel chair that I’m currently sat on.

Damn, I’ve just finished my very yummy cereal but I’m still hungry. Maybe I’ll have a banana as well, or a little more so I can use up the milk… That’s better This cereal really is yummy – it’s described as ‘chocolate wheat pillows filled with chocolate.’ I bought it at Lidle with Kat yesterday.

Dammit, I must be out of practice with these morning pages, I’m only to the middle of the page and I’ve run out of stuff to say. Ah well, I need to carry on with chores anyway – the washing up, folding Dan’s laundry and sorting my own out, tidying the lounge. Adiós then

☮&♥