I’ve never thought of myself as an alchoholic, but recently that opinion has been changing.
Even before my Doc put me on this new medication that means I can’t drink I noticed myself having a bit of a problem. Over last Christmas when I was working full time at Freespirit, more often than not I would come home and open a bottle of cider without eating first.
The alchohl made me warm and my thoughts fuzzy so I didn’t really care about how bad I was feeling. I’ve since heard it described as ‘comfortably numb’ which I think is very apt.
I’m not saying that staying of the booze has been desperatly hard, and I’m sure there’s a little of ‘can’t have it so I want it’ thrown in the mix of emotions (doesn’t help my alchohol cupboard is well stocked at the moment), but when I’m feeling especially angy or upset my thoughts turn more often than not to the bottle.
But thanks to my dreams where I’m agonizingly sick if I have even a small drink, I’ve been tee-total for approching 4 months now. I think it helps too, knowing I have other vices to fall back on. So my worries and fears are now being blocked by baking and drowned in youghurt and ice cream.
Does this count as progress?
☮&♥
