The Ramblings of a Disorientated Mind

Well, I noticed it’s been over a month since I last posted. Frankly though things haven’t really changed that much in terms of what’s going on in my life. If anything things have gotten a little worse, in that it’s been over a week since I last did any exercise on the wii fit and the diet-ness has taken a long walk off a short pier Motivation and organisation at still major suckage, but at least I’ve only got one more case study to do before my folder is sent off to be verified that I’ve finished my apprenticeship. The radio show is still fine, except that someone forgot to pay the domain bills for GRN, so our site now advertises a bunch of crap.

In other news, Kelly’s wedding was nice. On the way back from it Owen, Sarah and and I went to Ikea to look at their custom furniture storage solutions. I find Ikea unduly exciting, and walking around imagining having all our media finally sorted and stored accessibly and appropriately was thrilling. I get excited at the weirdest things… Of course though, that and the sudden surge of money I suddenly realised I have, I went out and bought more books, DVDs and CDs.

I’ve picked back up on the MOW files novel. I found out that I only have until the end of may to finish my edits and submit it to CreateSpace for a free proof copy of my novel. I’m about halfway through the edits that I already set out, but only just starting on the re-write of the end section. I don’t know whether I’ll finish on time, but with the NVQ out of the way it’ll probably make things easier. Oh and talking of writing, I’ve recently gone back to Protagonise. Andy and I published The Stone of Tides, no one has commented on it yet, or given any thoughts as to how we end the thing, but I know people are reading it, and I appreciate it’s very long [I got to 50k words, and Andy got to 25k, so that’s about 75,000 words and it’s not finished].

And then with both NVQ done, and hopefully the MOW novel out of the way I can maybe get back to my thing a month promises. In June, perhaps I will try and and run that Stone of Tides campaign I was thinking of, or some kind of space adventure [we haven’t done anything futuristic in a while]

So of got lots of stuff I’d like to do, and plenty to keep me busy. The only thing that concerns me slightly lately is, when I got made supervisor [properly now, with the correct pay and all], Jenny the Assit. Manager, asked me if I had any goals or thoughs as to where I might be in a year or five, and I honestly couldn’t think of any. I mean, yes I still kinda want to run my own business, but lets be realistic here - it’s kind of a pipe dream. What’s bugging me is that I have no real drive or ambition to do anything more with my life. I never wanted to be one of those people who reached a point they were comfortable with and then just stopped. I always wanted to be someone special or important, and well, that one didn’t really work out, but either way it looks a lot like I have just reached a point and stopped and I hate myself for being like that. I don’t want to just sit still now, but I have no idea how to carry on moving forward and bettering myself, or my lot, especially considering how old I ma now - I kinda feel like most of life has just passed me buy. In that regard at least, everything sucks and I’m confused and annoyed.

Oh well, I guess that’s extra drivel for another day’s rant.