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Name: Iren Lesh
System: Dungeons and Dragons [D20]
Race: Half Elf
Class: Druid
Level attained: 2
Appearance/ Personality/ Background: Iren Lesh was born and lived, for a time, along the borders of Gerran and The Wastelands with her father, Tanis the Watcher, as her mother, the elf Iliana, found that living among humans was too difficult and had returned to her child hood home in the Forest Of Marthok.
They lived in a small hut near to the village of Yanoma, with a mercenary named Miliado to help protect them from the border raids that were becoming ever increasingly dangerous. They lived in relative peace until Iren was about 16 [human years], when a band of raiders came and attacked their meagre hut at a time when both Iren and Miliado were out.
The years after that proved dismal for Iren. Miliado left to find better work and Iren tried to follow in her father’s footsteps. It was about this time she found a baby she-wolf starving and with no mother. She took the wolf in and named it Tana in memory of her father
Around the age of 19 she spotted a creature coming from the hills. It appeared to be a very large cat, but as it approached she saw it change its form to that of, what appeared to be, a human. Confronting it she discovered it to be a Lycanthrope, and a fairly intelligent humanoid creature, whose name was Asfala.
The pair soon became close friends, and since there was nothing holding her down to the rude hut, Iren decided to journey with Asfala to see what they might find.
Memorable moment from the game: Getting laid by a satyr.
How they ended up: Blind, and committing suicide [the only way to cure the blindness was to touch a metal sword, and since Druids are forbidden to touch metal, she killed herself]
Year Played 1999

System: Dungeons and Dragons [D20]
Race: Forgotten
Class: Forgotten
Level attained: 1
Appearance/ Personality/ Background: Forgotten
Memorable moment from the game: Getting sold the most poisonous substance on earth.
How they ended up: Unknown
Year Played 1999

I was first introduced to the world of Role Play Gaming on a bright sunny day in 1999. I’ve had tremendous fun over the years RPGing and would recommend it to anyone, and I think my favourite system is Fung Shui. So in vaguely chronological order, I present my characters.

Name: Forgotten
System: Dungeons and Dragons [D20]
Race: Halfling
Class: Thief
Level attained: 4
Appearance/ Personality/ Background: Forgotten
Memorable moment from the game: Getting attacked in a manor house for finding out about a plan on the black market.
How they ended up: Unknown
Year Played 1999

Name: Azir Moonsinger
System: Dungeons and Dragons [D20]
Race: Human
Class: Bard/ Virtuoso
Level attained: 7
Appearance/ Personality/ Background: Sister and she were sent to a magic school [parents both magic], where sister learned sorcery and she learned music/ magic. Pair left school and travelled together before finding a group.
Memorable moment from the game: Getting a large amount of gold for a hat and then giving it all away to a dwarf who’s business had just been robbed.
Interesting ending equipment: Ring of path finding, XXX Bugman’s Ale.
How they ended up: On an alternate plane
Year Played 2000

Name: Danira [Dan] Tuson
System: Gridlinked [D6; based on the book of the same name by Neal Asher]
Race: Catadapt
Class: n/a
Level attained: N/a [Character points: 3]
Appearance/ Personality/ Background:Slight, 5′4″. Is Azure with silver and dark blue markings. Has tail, and paws on feet, but normal hands. Claws are located in both. Usually wears black shorts and small top, with long black coat. Only obvious possession is a silver hip flask.
Personality is very variable. She has a tendency toward drinking, ’suspicious’ activity, dangerous devices and beings, and suspicious weaponry. It is also quite safe to say she is clinically insane and is given over to some very random and bizarre acts. She is very tenacious in her search for her father, to the point where nothing else matters. NB, whilst not very sane, she is not a floozy, and has been know to severely maim anyone who tries to bed her without permission.
Danira was raised and schooled by her father, an archaeologists, but when she was 16 he disappeared whilst out on a dig. Danira has always believed he was abducted because he was investigating something to do with something called Jain.
From this point on she became part of the ‘quince’, hopping from planet to planet searching for information and doing odd-jobs. It was at this stage in her life she picked up many of her more ‘lucrative’ skills and contacts. At age 45 she moved to Aster Colora to seek out ‘Dragon’ and its knowledge. She lived there for 10 years and was rewarded with one conversation. Shortly after she left Aster Colora, she became a Catadapt and re-integrated herself into the ‘quince’. She attributes her survival of the accident on Fraval to being underground at the time.
Memorable moment from the game: N/a
How they ended up: Having brain re-constructed after having it torn apart by a dragon aug.
Date Played 2002

Name: Kellandra
System: Earn [D6]
Race: L’Arn
Class: Lore Master
Level attained: N/a [Character points: 13]
Appearance/ Personality/ Background: Long black hair, shot with purple streaks, pale skin [as a result of years on inside study], tall, with frail-seeming structure and eyes that change with mood. Wears dark purple dress and midnight coloured cloak.
Quiet, studious, devoted to learning about the natural forces, and culture of the mountains and it’s people [The Draan’ae]. Can become emotional/ excited about new discoveries and attacks. Mostly takes the diplomatic stance.
Brought up as a L’arn, under the name Kalith. Left home after becoming a Loarmaster and travelled to the mountains to study the natural forces, and culture of the Draan’ae, where she was given/ adopted the name Kellandra.
Memorable moment from the game: Getting the Gibbit ‘Neep’
Interesting ending equipment: Magi diary, gold serpent necklace [with ruby eyes], blue jell stuff that keeps boats watertight and rot free.
How they ended up: Last seen in the middle of a swamp; game on going
Date Played 2002

Name: Karka
System: StarWars [D20]
Race: Bothan
Class: Scoundrel
Level attained: 2/ 2
Appearance/ Personality/ Background: Basically Karka is a spy, but she gets her information in all and every possible way; some she steals, some she buys and some she coerces out of people by other means. She is not afraid of doing what it takes to get her information. In recent years she has become known in high circles as a ’special lady friend’ to those in power. Having said this, only those close to her, or in the underground communities realise what she is. She appears to work for no one government, or person, but frequently to the highest bidder.
She is also fairly well trained in hacking into computers, and when observed explains the ease with which she does this as ‘a knack’.
After aiding a young man she met on Bothawui gather information about the operations of the Empire in that system, Karka left Bothawui at 18, the young man having realised her worth to his investigations, and they travelled to some of the outer and mid rim worlds to carry out further investigations. It was during this time that she was trained in the basics of spying, computer hacking, and industrial espionage, and arrived by her equipment. But thinking she would never be permanently parted from the young man, she did not bother to get large amounts of her own specialised equipment.
However, 3 years ago, the young man, who was well know by many aliases in underground core communities ‘disappeared’. Some said he was killed, some say he simply moved on, but most agree that Karka had a hand in this.
Karka never had the full explanation to the young man’s activity, but has said herself that she will never reveal his details, his reasons, or current location to any one, or under any circumstance. Nor will she qualify any rumours.
She has no known family, but is still reluctant to speak on the subject, even with close friends, of which she has few. To many this would indicate that there where once people she cared strongly for, who are now deceased, possibly by brutal means.
Karka’s appearance is in many aspects similar to most Bothans. She is of average height, and slim. Her hair is black, and her eyes emerald green. Her beard is in 4-5 braids, each with a few dark coloured beads on the end and woven into the braid. She usually dresses in a close fitting cat suit made of a dark shimmering material that has gaps in interesting places, black boots and a long dark blue coat. In this way, she appears exotically attractive to those in power, but it also makes her look largely unremarkable when moving about government institutions.
Memorable moment from the game: Flying upside down on a speed bike through a canyon very very fast.
How they ended up: Unknown, left the game
Date Played Sept - Dec 2003

Name: Aleaha ‘MoonSneak’ Delance
System: Dungeons and Dragons [D20]
Race: Gnome
Class: Thief
Level attained: 4
Appearance/ Personality/ Background: She is a thief, plain and simple. She is a very good one though, with the talent sometimes becoming a habit. For example, often when at shopping with her mother at the market, Little Aleaha would often pickpocket those around her, just out of boredom.
Like most Gnomes, she has many nicknames, and her favourite being simply Moon, or MS.
Moon has always had tendencies towards roving, and exploring, and therefore stealing little gifts from wherever she had been for friends and family [a tradition she continues still]. Many of these traits where honed and encouraged by a mischievous uncle, who showed her many ‘tricks of the trade’, as he was of like spirit, and it was from him she gained her equipment, therefore, much of it is fairly elderly, but still strong as it is well made. These items hold much sentimental value for Moon, and they are of good quality, so she would be loathe to loose them, indeed, pity the soul who tries to take them!
The Uncle was an integral part of Moon’s life, so when he passed away at the ripe old age of 426, just she left her family home. As expected the family were angry, and upset by her disappearance, but the loss of the Uncle was a hard one for Moon to bear, and for several years just wandered from place to place, doing odd jobs, stealing here and there, trying to sort herself out emotionally, before winding up back at her family home. There she made her peace with all, and gave out gifts she had collected on her travels. But, for Moon, that was just a taster, and after a while she pined for the open road again. The family understood and once again she left, but with their blessing this time. Moon still keeps in contact with her family, and tries to return home for the feast days of The Watchful Protector.
To most people, Moon’s aspect appears quite strange. At just under 4 ft, she is tall by Gnome standards, and is also quite slim. Her hair is, for the most part, black, shot through with dark purple and blue braids. Her skin is the colour of old parchment, and her eyes are the colour of a raven’s wing. She normally wears dark blue linen shirt, black wool waistcoat, black cotton trews, held up by a many-pouched belt, knee-high black leather boots and a black woollen cape, fastened with a silver broach that depicts her namesake [a moon with a gap in the shape of the silhouetted form of a gnome].
Memorable moment from the game: Sulking about having to let the ranger use her rope to get the stupid fat human fighter out of a hole; an innuendo filled moment about the ranger being sat in a tree doing ‘manly’ things while an enemy was passing beneath.
Interesting ending equipment: Thunderstone, Eyes of the Eagle, Boots of Elvenkind, Ring of Protection +1, Cloak of Resistance.
How they ended up: Unknown, left the game
Date PlayedSept - Dec 2003

Name: Jenny “BSU” Hu
System: Fung Shui [D6]
Race: Human
Class: Techie
Level attained: N/A [Exp: 8]
Appearance/ Personality/ Background: Description: Fairly innocuous; dressed on cargoes, small tee and jacket [pockets cover all clothes]. Tough boots. Carries backpack. Wears her hair in two plaits and a ‘you want fries with that?’ baseball cap.
Story: My Father disappeared whilst on a S. American archaeological dig when I was 16. I went through several years of depression as a result, but came out determined to find him. I sold most of our possessions and invested in light ’survival’ gear, and my search has taken me through most of the countries of the world, but has finally let me here. It was in Prague that I met a ‘pyrotechnics’ expert and he taught me most of the stuff I about, well, Blowing Shit Up.
Memorable moment from the game: The whole game.
How they ended up: About to blow up a demon temple in another plane
Year Played 2005

Name: Alleah Dalliance
System: Titan/ Dungeons and Dragons [D20]
Race: Woodling [or Halfling]
Class: Thief
Level attained: 5
Appearance/ Personality/ Background:
Memorable moment from the game: Pretty much the whole game
How they ended up: On the verge of splitting from the rest of the group
Date Played March - Sept 2006

Name: Celest
System: Forgotten Realms - Underdark/ Dungeons and Dragons [D20]
Race: Gloaming
Class: Thief
Level attained: 2 [+2 level offset]
Appearance/ Personality/ Background: Celest is a 15 year old, 2′9″ Gloaming. Her skin is violet-grey and her wings and hair are deep black. She has elaborate tattoos and relishes showing off the shadows. She dresses in gold and black leather armour.
Her interests mainly lie in gathering secret knowledge and artefacts. In fact she is very interested in acquiring the Universal Key. She spends most of her time around Great Bhaerynden gathering expired adventures’ gear to sell at the great rift.
Interesting ending equipment: 2 pints of Aboleth Mucus
How they ended up:Getting stuck and drowning in a tunnel, then having the rest of her party come and cut her up and eat her
Date Played 2006

Name: Bukaroo Bonzi
System: Forgotten Realms - Underdark/ Dungeons and Dragons [D20]
Race: Gnome
Class: Thief
Level attained: 3
Appearance/ Personality/ Background: A male Gnome based on the idea of Indiana Jones, and the name is a pun on ‘Buckeroo Banzi’
Memorable moment from the game: Being Tortured and as a result turning evil and purposely leaving a Drow to fend for herself.
How they ended up: Dying in an un-winnable battle against clawed hands
Date Played 2006

Name: Misty Fields
System: Fung Shui [D6]
Race: Human
Class: Gambler
Level attained: n/a
Appearance/ Personality/ Background:
Memorable moment from the game: None.
How they ended up: Forgotten
Date Played 2006

Name: Drucilla Black
System: World of Darkness [D6]
Race: Human
Class: Librarian/ geekess
Level attained: n/a
Appearance/ Personality/ Background:
Memorable moment from the game: None.
How they ended up: Forgotten
Date Played 2006

Name: Azuka Rackell
System: Starwars [D6]
Race: Human
Class: Monk/ Jedi
Level attained: n/a
Appearance/ Personality/ Background: Dresses in dark trousers and top, with long black coat. Is very no-nonsense and reticent. Has no recollection of life before the age of 15. Trained with her master in martial arts and some force use, before being released at the age of 18 to travel and gain life experiences.
Memorable moment from the game: Blew up a planet full of Agan crystals. Shot an evil captain in the head while he was prone, because he was evil and she was pissed because he’d double crossed the group.
How they ended up: Finding the ultimate child of the Light Side, and rearing him to beat the ultimate Dark Side bloke. Probably went to the darkside. The game kind of played it’s self into a corner.
Date Played Sept 2006

Name: Liz Rimstone
System: Dungeons and Dragons [D20]
Race: Human
Class: Bard
Level attained: 2
Appearance/ Personality/ Background: Looks like a pirate. Started out being quite care-free. Somewhere along the line she got a conscience.
Memorable moment from the game: Nothing really. Not a very good game.
How they ended up: Running around doing petty favours for kings so they would lend troops to quell a rising tide of darkness. And plotting to free a princess.
Date Played Oct 2006

Name: Lady Dru
System: Dungeons and Dragons: Ebberon [D20]
Race: Half-Elf
Class: Ranger
Level attained: 7
Appearance/ Personality/ Background: Lady Dru, full name Lady Drusilla Ebonheart of Varna in the Eldeen Reaches, is a solitary creature. A half-elf of modest beauty, fair intelligence and great wisdom, she has a learned way about her and a noble, if occasionally flippant, bearing. She is simply a wanderer well versed in the ways of the wilderness, paying her way as courier, guide, reporter, gatherer of information and occasionally a blade for hire. However, most folk who meet her always comment that there is something slightly uncanny about her, as though she has some great secret that weighs heavy on her soul. What most people don’t realise, that this is the case.
At the age of 16, after a pleasant childhood learning the ways of the forests and grasslands from her father, a human ranger affiliated with the Wardens of the Wood, Dru learnt from her mother that aberrant Dragonmarks ran in her family, usually on the female side. Her mother said that they have a tendency to turn up every 3rd generation, and that there was a high chance she would get one. This would have not have been such a bad thing, had not a maid overheard, in ignorance mentioned it to a market seller who gossiped it to her husband, who was overheard in a pub by an agent for a member of House Vadalis who, on reporting it to his jealous master, one Tond d’Vadalis – a low level member with few contacts who believed those with aberrant marks should be destroyed or controlled by the true Dargonmarks - was ordered to retrieve Dru so she, and her possible Dragonmark, might be controlled. In one night Dru was bereft of family and home, thrown into the wilds, pursued by agents of House Vadalis for a talent she did not yet posses, yet was already terrified of.
In terms of appearance, Dru is slight with dark hair, deep blue eyes and, of course, slightly pointed ears. She favours a long sleeved tunic of royal blue under a dark leather jerkin and bracers with dark leather leggings, her silver rapier and crossbow at her opposite hips. She can be frequently seen wearing a heavy hooded cloak to hide her features.
Memorable moment from the game: Don’t really remember that much.
How they ended up: Being told that Arman [the warforged] was really Jah’Arman, some kind of god, then facing a skeleton hoard.
Date Played Jan 2007

Name: Drucilla [Dru] Black
System: World of Darkness [D10]
Race: Human
Class: n/a
Level attained: n/a
Appearance/ Personality/ Background: Geeky Librarian who can see the future
Memorable moment from the game: When I got my power or telekinesis.
How they ended up: Wandering around the sewers of Poole, trying to find a vampire.
Date Played March 2007

Name: Keeva
System: World of Warcraft [D20]
Race: Night Elf
Class: Druid
Level attained: 1
Appearance/ Personality/ Background: Insane [in a non-lethal way] healer
Memorable moment from the game: There was no game.
How they ended up:Unknown. Char was never actually played in the end
Date Played N/A [2007]/p>

Name: Various, currently Paper
System: Kobolds ate my baby!
Race: Kobold
Class: n/a
Level attained: n/a
Appearance/ Personality/ Background: Cute and furry. Stupid, but fearless.
Memorable moment from the game: Pretty much the whole thing…
How they ended up:First got drowned in beer, second got sucked down a rabbit hole and left in a mixed metaphor, the 3rd is still alive
Date Played June 2007

Name: Elisa
System: Heartland Saga
Race: Human
Class: Bar Wench
Level attained: n/a
Appearance/ Personality/ Background: Very much like a bar wench, but trousers instead of skirt. Unbearably cheerful and excitable, fearless and slightly insane. Likes wandering off to look at interesting things As far as she knows she is the granddaughter of Brin, the owner of the Smouldering Ember. Believes unwaveringly in Charon, the god of her personal protection.
Memorable moment from the game: Pretty much the whole thing… Getting stuck by lightning; Getting attacked by a dragon; Figuring out a puzzle; Almost getting carried off by orcs; Having to sing about how cool it was to be in the group to a dragon statue to get a ruby; falling out of mid air; walking into several traps; getting captured by rangers; getting stuck in a temporal rift thingy; the sand horse; killing mammoths.
How they ended up:Was last seen in a jungle being captured by some scary rangers after being teleported some thousand miles from a desert to a jungle.
Date Played July 2007

Name: Azuka
System: Shadowrun
Race: Human
Class: N/A
Level attained: 1
Appearance/ Personality/ Background:
Memorable moment from the game: None, game lasted one session.
How they ended up:Last seens about to sneak into a secure facility.
Date Played2007

[Character resurected]
Name: Alleah Dalliance
System: Titan/ Dungeons and Dragons [D20]
Race: Woodling [or Halfling]
Class: Thief
Level attained: 9
Appearance/ Personality/ Background: Alleah is 3 foot, 4 inches, with dark hair and tanned skin, owing to her long days traveling. She is usually dressed in brown studded leather amour, regardless of climate or occasion. At any given time, she can be found to have at least 10 daggers on her person, as well as her short sword and cross bow. She also wears a shimmering black cloak.
Usually she is very sweet tempered, especially when she’s about to get her hands on loot or food, and enjoys attention. However she tends to sulk a lot when things go wrong or she doesn’t get her own way. Alleah has also learnt to use her diminutive stature to her advantage, variously posing as a child or a goblin to steal, cause mayhem, escape or move things along in her favour. Her favorite drink is ale and will eat whatever is going.
Addendum: Since her previous party split up, Alleah has had trouble trusting others and fitting into other groups, and also has a tendency to babble about things that have happened in the past that nobody but her really understands.
Memorable moment from the game: Game one: Pretty much the whole thing; Game two: Getting resurected as an owl, becoming the prophet of Gregism, seeing several [previously dead] people she cared deeply about being useed against her to evil ends.
How they ended up: Game one: On the verge of splitting from the rest of the group; Game two: Turned back into a halfling from an owl by the graciousness of Greg.
Date Played Aug-Oct 2007

Name: Rachel Stephendottir
System: Shadowrun [D6]
Race: Human
Class: N/A [magician, tradition: 6th sense]
Level attained: N/A
Appearance/ Personality/ Background: Rachel stepped slowly through the dim room, the slanting sunlight highlighting her ash-blond hair. She held her arms out either side, long fingers brushing the dusty surfaces. Quietly she stopped, her head tilted to one side.
“What is it?” asked Kipris, coming alert from where he’d been lent in the doorway.
“She was held here,” Rachel said, pointing to a metal ring set into the floor. “It’s all grey and muddy.” Rachel turned to him, and Kipris saw her eyes where still glazed. “She must have been so afraid.”

Rachel, or Ray as she is better known, is 20 years old. She is tall and thin, with a pale complexion. She dresses in boot-cut jeans, a purple crop-top and a kaki wool jacket, all made out of ballistic fibre, and is usually seen with an Eye of Hours Pendant. While she usually has a cautious and shy attitude to the world, Ray knows her stuff when it comes to the astral and to sensing things before it happens.

After her parents died, Ray grew up under the care of a wise-woman for Seattle’s small Icelandic colony. Even though she is technically not one of them, she feels very strongly about her adopted family, in particular her troll ‘brother’, and the efforts they made to send her to the University of Seattle where she is currently completing her BA Arts thesis.

Kipris ahead of her, and Thorir behind, Ray snuck through the corridors of Aztechnology’s ziggurat shaped building. They came to a corner. In her gut something tingled.
“Wait!” she hissed, reaching out for Kipris’s arm as he took a step forward. But she was too late. Gunfire rattled and Kipris cried out, pulling himself back to cover. He flopped back against the wall.
“Bastards got my arm,” he said revealing a bloodied hole.
“Take care of him Ray,” said Thorir stepping to the corner. “I’ll take care of them.” Carefully Rachel pulled Kipris back.
“Just relax,” she told him, sending tendrils of amber coloured power into the wound. Behind them more gunfire rattled out and then yet more closer as Thorir returned fire. Under all the noise came a soft ‘chink’ as the healing flesh pushed the bullet back out.
“Ah!” groaned Kipris, as he flexed the arm. He shot the magician a wane smile. “Good work Ray.” Standing he said, “Now hang back a mo while Thor and I kick their asses.”
Memorable moment from the game:
How they ended up:Waiting for the coat to be clear enough to emerge from the shitty safe house they’re staying at.
Date Played Sept 2007

Mal: “Help me look would ya?”
Kaylee *points*: “Is that him?”
Mal: “That’s the buffet table.”
Kaylee: “But how do we know if we don’t question it?”
Mal: Fine. Don’t get sick [Ep 4 - Shindig]

Mal [to Inara]: “Think you can stoop to being on my arm?”
Inara: “Will you wash it first?” [Serenity]

Walsh: “She’s physic? That’s like something from science fiction!”
Zoe: “Honey, we live on a spaceship.” [Ep 14 - Objects in Space]

Kaylee [about her hair]: “Do you think it looks better up?”
Inara: “We can experiment. We might even get wild later and wash your face” [Ep 2 - The Train Job]

Mal [Bows and leaves, then comes back]: “Have you got time to do my hair?”
Inara: “Out!” [Ep 2 - The Train Job]

Mal: Hell, this job I’d pull for free.
Zoe: Can I have your share?
Mal: No.
Zoe: If you die, can I have your share?
Mal: Yes [Ep 2 - The Train Job]

[Jayn colapses]
Wash: Did he just go crazy and fall asleep
Simon: I told him to sit down [Ep 2 - The Train Job]

Kaylee: There’s no need to be snappy
Jayn: You ain’t about to jump onto a moving train [Ep 2 - The Train Job]

Jayn: Oh, I ain’t going over there, with them bodies. Ain’t no ruttin’ way. Not if Reever’s messed with ‘em.
Zoe: Jayn, you’ll scare the women. [ep3]

Alliance fed: You fought with Renoylds in the war?
Zoe: Fought with a lot of people.
Fed: And your husband?
Zoe: Fight with him sometimes too [Ep 3]

Inara [after watching Mal and Jayn fight; To the barman]: Nice place. I’ll tell my friends [Ep 4 - Shindig]

Mal: We don’t kiss the dirt
Zoe: I wasn’t planning on the dirt kissing
Wash: I wouldn’t stand for it anyway, jealous man like me [Ep 4 - Shindig]

Kaylee: Ooh, look at the pretties!
Wash: What am I looking at - The girls or the clothes?
Jayn: There’s girls?
Zoe: The clothes please.
Kaylee: Say, look at the fluffy one.
Zoe: Too much fufura. If I’m gonna wear I dress I’d want one with some slink.
Wash: You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?
Jayn: I’ll chip in.
Zoe: I can hurt you [Ep 4 - Shindig]

Random Rich guy [To person insulting Kaylee]: Why Banning Miller. What a vision you are in your fine dress. It must have taken a dozen slaves and dozen days to get you into the get-up. Of course, your Daddy tells me all it takes is the space of a school-boy’s wink to get you out of it again. [Ep 4 - Shindig]

Jayn: What we need is a distraction. I say Zoe gets nekkid.
Wash: No!
Jayn: I could get nekkid.
All: No! [Ep 4 - Shindig]

[After River’s little outbirst] Jayn: That there. Exactly the kind of diversion we could have used [Ep 4 - Shindig]

Mal: Mercy is the mark of great man. [stab] I guess that makes me a good man. [slash] Well, okay. [Ep 4 - Shindig]

Young simon: Did you get my wave?
Mr. Tam: I got it. Your text shorted. I got the whole thing during a bord meeting.
Young Simon: If I had a dedictated source box it wouldn’t have shorted out. I lost half my essay!
Mr. Tam: Yes and you’d have access to any chen du shu that filtered in from the cortex. I absolutly forbitd it. I will not have it in my house.
Young Simon: Dad!
Young River: Dad!
Mr. Tam: But since your Mother already ordered one, I guess I should give up the fantasy that this is my house. [Ep 5 - Safe]

Mal [after River throws Simons bag away]: So, she’s added cusing and hurling things to her repetoire. She really is a real prodigy.
Simon: It’s just a bad day.
Mal: No, a bad day is when someone’s yellin’ spook the cattle.
Simon: She hasn’t gone anywhere near them.
Mal: Yes, but incase you hadn’t noticed her voice kinda carries. We’re two miles above ground and they can probably hear her down there. Soon as we unload, she can holler until our ears bleed, though I would take it as a kindness if she didn’t.
River: The body can be draied of blood in 8.6 seconds given adiquate vacuming systems. [Ep 5 - Safe]
Mal: Well, don’t you ever stand for that sort of thing. If someone tries to kill you, you kill them right back [Ep 6 - Our Mrs Reynolds]

Kaylee [to Saffron]: Oh sweety, don’t feel bad. He makes everyone cry. He’s like a monster.
Mal: I’m not a Monster! [Ep 6 - Our Mrs Reynolds]

Book: If you take sexual advantage of her, you’ll burn in a very special level of hell. The level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater [Ep 6 - Our Mrs Reynolds]

Mal: I would appriciated it if one person on this boat wouldn’t assume I’m an evil lecherous hump.
Zoe: Nobody’s saying that sir.
Wash: Yeah, we’re pretty much just giving each other significant looks and laughing incessently [Ep 6 - Our Mrs Reynolds]

Wash: Wow, I sure wish I was someone else right now. Someone not married, someone not madly in love with a beautiful woman who can kill me with her pinky. [Ep 6 - Our Mrs Reynolds]

Kaylee: Hey! It was your big make-out session got us into this.
Mal: I was poisoned!
Inara: You were drugged!
Jayn: That’s why I never kiss ‘em on the mouth.

Ducky: “I’m sorry Jethro, Mr Palmer got us lost again.”
Jimmy: “Doctor, you had the map.”
Ducky: “But you gave it to me!” [NCIS]

“We are people of God, and it’s our duty to help anyone that needs it… Even if they are Americans” - Hostage missionary, JAG

Gibbs: ‘Any more food fights and I’m joining in. With peas.’
Kate: ‘Frozen?’
Gibbs: ‘In the can.’ [NCIS]

Gibbs: “And people think we’re assholes.”
Fornell: “Only because they know us.”

Kate [to dog]: “I’m gonna call you Tony”
Gibbs: “It’s a bitch, Kate.”
Kate: “I know.”